Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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