U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
