i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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