Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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