i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
