her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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