I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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