If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
