Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
