Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
