Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
