apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
