i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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