Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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