i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my liver is dry heaving
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
