I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
