The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
