I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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