After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we're making bets on your personal life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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