Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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