Please, let me fuck your mom
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
