You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
