i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
