Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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