Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize