Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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