Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
