The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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