Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
