So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
