we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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