He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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