Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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