get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
