I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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