I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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