sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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