here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
