I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
