was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
