her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
