He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
