the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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