i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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