brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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