Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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