i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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