so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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