i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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