Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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