wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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