thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she peed on how many people?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
