Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
