The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize