can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
where are my eyebrows?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
