some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
