OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
