i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
