I got chris browned last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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