I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
