He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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