I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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