If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
