you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I would ride that face into the sunset
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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