hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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