I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize