Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
