I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
