I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
