Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
