I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize