Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
