Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
