i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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